Something i wrote a long time ago.......

The pain pierces through my heart as would a million tactful razor blades embedded into every single vein in my body... I wish i could stop thinking about you but i just CAN'T.... 

Its killing me inside ever so slowly. 

I'd rather die and get things over with.... or even better i wish you'd hold me in your arms and stab me with a knife.... my last wish to die in the hands of my love will THEN be fulfilled.... You meant everything to me but i meant nothing to u. 

I loved you with all my heart and soul and now you've set me free. A freedom i'd prefer to live without. My feelings for anybody has never been this strong and i'd gladly die for u. 

"Lets be friends" You offer as an act of pity. I nod numbly and take your hand as a small child would take her friend's hand, biting back sobs and blinking away tears as you walked with me holding me hand but never once holding me close.

Now you're  all i can dream of and all i can think of. I thought we could talk things out, i thought we could make things work, but here i stand, wishing nothing more than to have our moments back. 

Now you've grown and so have i. You still hold my hand making me laugh now and then. You gently squeeze my hands making way for tears of misery down my cheeks. Now the memories that i held treasured in my heart just fade away- each moment that we shared together,sometimes alone, sometimes with others but all of them-incredibly happy and carefree.

A polo wrapper, a piece of cardboard from your notebook, a paperball with math equations written on one side, a string from the wrist band you always adored, now they remain in my hands and in my heart and my feelings are far from faded.

Back to skool..

Blargh... That time of the year again.... its back to skool and here i am, totally unprepared. My eyes r burning and i can hear some weird music coming from the living room where the tv is... i think dad's watching some chick flick.

Gah...wats worse is that i'm hearing music in my head... the music being "I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare!"..... Well lets get to the point

Wait there isn't one.

Oh well.

Anyway what i'm trying to say is that i'm totally unprepared, its 10:28 in the night and i'm already fantasizing about my pillow and warm blanket and i actually walked away from charlies angels full throttle-which happens to be my most favourite movie ever.

I know the usual drill. My cellphone will most unpleasantly shriek "Woh lamhe" Early in the morning(my definition of early is 6 or 7) or the most inauspicious(but strangely appropriate) death beat will play from my phone waking me up but only partially....

I'll hit the snooze and seven minutes later, it rings again. This goes on for a bit of time. And as if on cue, mom will scream in the distance for me to wake up and remind me that i have school. I curse my life silently and pull the covers over my head again until she comes barging into my peacefully dark room and yank the sheets off me and draw the curtains so sunlight floods my room nearly blinding me in the process.

Damn it.

My sister will invariably be sleeping peacefully as i rush around getting ready. Its going to be hell i know it. But strangely i'm looking forward to it.

I'll be half asleep till i get into the shower at which point it turns unpleasantly hot and causes me to shriek as though i'm being tortured and THAT finally wakes me up.

I somehow get dressed and drag my feet to school (Well technically the car drags me there-lets leave it at that). My dad looks at me utterly bemused and wishes me a good day in school. I grimace and go "right back at ya dad" and push myself through the gates of educational glory(hallelujah sounds heard in the background)

Blargh.

I see my kindergarten teacher. I brighten up cause i really do like her a lot. I run after her and ask her how she is,how her family is and all that i feel considerably happier wen i walk away after i'm done talking to her.

I trudge up the three or four flights of staircases to ma school(well i'm not sure as i've never really bothered counting) and plunk my bag down at my bench and gently run a hand over the graffiti that i painstakingly carved out last month and sigh and sit down. I rest my head on my desk and sigh again wishing i wasn't all alone when...

I hear my name being called(read as screamed) from the classroom entrance.

I turn around mildly surprised and see my best and only friend in my class making a Deepika Padukone entrance (but she does it way better than deepika).

Her every step is filled with the slowness and grace as a wonderful spoof of deepika's charecter in om shanti om as shanti priya and shes waving her hand in the exact same fake manner as shanti priya did.

I can't help but to start laughing. "Hii!" She says cheerfully walking over to me resuming her normal walk . I smile as she reaches over and hugs me. "Hey! How was ur hols?" I ask her.

And she launches into this full fledged account of the way she spent every waking second of her holidays. Its kinda fun to listen to her say all that and that somehow makes me feel better.

I may hate this place. I've even nicknamed it "The dungeon of destroyed dreams" but i do like it cause it holds its weird charm and i guess i can never come around to actually hating it. Even if i do hate the institution, i could never hate the school.

I've made some of my best friends here. I've had some of the most amazing times here. I've had my tears and even my first heartbreak was here. But i've never regretted a single moment in this place. I've often wished and wondered what would've happened if i'd joined somewhere else but then i realise that i've been here so long (ever since first grade) that i can hardly imagine that.

God i'm getting so senti and i'm just in the eleventh...god knows how hard i'm gonna cry when i actually leave this place!