Something i wrote a long time ago.......

The pain pierces through my heart as would a million tactful razor blades embedded into every single vein in my body... I wish i could stop thinking about you but i just CAN'T.... 

Its killing me inside ever so slowly. 

I'd rather die and get things over with.... or even better i wish you'd hold me in your arms and stab me with a knife.... my last wish to die in the hands of my love will THEN be fulfilled.... You meant everything to me but i meant nothing to u. 

I loved you with all my heart and soul and now you've set me free. A freedom i'd prefer to live without. My feelings for anybody has never been this strong and i'd gladly die for u. 

"Lets be friends" You offer as an act of pity. I nod numbly and take your hand as a small child would take her friend's hand, biting back sobs and blinking away tears as you walked with me holding me hand but never once holding me close.

Now you're  all i can dream of and all i can think of. I thought we could talk things out, i thought we could make things work, but here i stand, wishing nothing more than to have our moments back. 

Now you've grown and so have i. You still hold my hand making me laugh now and then. You gently squeeze my hands making way for tears of misery down my cheeks. Now the memories that i held treasured in my heart just fade away- each moment that we shared together,sometimes alone, sometimes with others but all of them-incredibly happy and carefree.

A polo wrapper, a piece of cardboard from your notebook, a paperball with math equations written on one side, a string from the wrist band you always adored, now they remain in my hands and in my heart and my feelings are far from faded.