Thank YOU!! (Part 2)

Anagha-For proving me wrong and teaching me never to judge anybody too fast cause they can and might go that extra mile just to prove you wrong

Priyanka Murali-For all those wacky,amazing times back wen u were in chennai :)

Pooja-For teaching me how to use ares :P

Karan-For always admiring my work. For being frank and IN YOUR FACE. For understanding that i'm different from arthi and for always being there when i needed a solution. For always making sure i go on the right path

Keerthana- For being an absolute sweetheart to me in this new and scary school. Thank you!

Abhishek- For being the sweetest,nicest,cutest,funniest best friend a girl could ask for. Love you loads and don't you forget it dumbo!!

Naveen-For being one of the nicest elder brotherly characters i have around me. For always making fun of me and caring for me :) btw its LAWYER and not LIAR lol

Harsha- For laying foundation to my dreams in music. For always being there for me when i cried. Tropical icebergs and Arctic snows=We miss you HARSHH!

Maddy-For always being there. For understanding. For teaching me all that i could learn, the hard way

Duraiya-For being the moodiest,craziest,wackiest,silliest girl i know. You rock!!

Radha-For being the calm brainiac i always loved being around

Mukund- For making me laugh with your mad stories. For fascinating me with your amazing coin collection. For always being "SAM"!!!

Pramod- For being my very first crush back in 8th standard!!! And for being amazingly nice and sweet to me :)

Revathi-For being the sweetest,most sincere,unassuming person i've ever met! For all those times when we sat on your terrace on the cold slab benches sipping coffee and talking about the craziness in our teen lives.

Krithika Sundar- For being a totally awesome kickass girl. You may not be aware of it, but i like you a lot and i honestly wish i'd spent more time with you!

Neelu-For being my first best friend in a new school, in a new city where i was scared to death. thank you :)

Chitra mam-My first teacher. For being so patient and kind. I still adore you!

Vinod Ramachandran- For being crazy,wacky,funny,and an amazing friend :)

Swetha- For being such a good friend. Third bench with u was AWESOME. Forget me not :)

And if you're somebody i love, but i haven't put ur name down, a million apologies.

But to all those people who were in my life but had no mention here, u weren't on my mind for some reason and u probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.

Rock out bitchez

Thank you...(part1)

Its precisely 12.25 a.m..... I'm not yet asleep....I hate staying up late these days because i'm usually too tired... but today, i feel extra philosophical. I decided to stay up late anyway. Feels good after a long time. I live in the security that i can sleep in cause tomorrow's a holiday!! Yippeeee!!

Anyway.... Looking back on the person i was, the person i wanted to be and the person i've become....I've come a long way. I'm proud of myself, but i know for a fact that i could not have done it without my loved ones. So here's a thank you to everyone in my life-

MOM-For making me forget that you're my mom. By being there for me when i needed you the most. For understanding me through my pain and for holding me close when i needed security. Thank you for everything mom

Dad-For teaching me all that you have. Life would be so dull without you around. In fact, it IS when you go out of town!

Arthi-Well there's too much you've taught me. You've taught me to stand up for myself. To be strong. To have the courage to say no even if the society's pressurizing you to do something. Thank you.

Archana-For being the safety net every time i took a wacky unpredictable dive. People see me as a very mellow person. You're the only one who's seen my full craziness unplugged. Thanks for being there for me when i needed you. Thanks a hell more for being my music, lyrics, and singing guru. For all the late nights and broken dreams you helped me pick the pieces of, and not to mention all those times, i fell apart and you were the glue that held me back together. Late nights, stupid arguments, and a joint rebel against all things disney. I love you sis. Really i do <3>

Ashwini- For being there for me and for understanding what i'm going through. For always believing in me. At a point where nobody else did, it meant a lot to me. I hope you know that.

Harish-For teaching me that its possible to love somebody's arrogance. For teaching me how to go deep below the surface and search for what is the genuine person who happens to be one of the most sweetest guys i know

Neha Ramakrishnan-Thank you for teaching me to delve deeper than external appearances. For teaching me that there's no such thing as perfect and that if somebody looks perfect, something is seriously wrong, below the surface

Sithara Rasheed and Archita Sridharan-I don't care anymore. I've always hated you guys. Thank you for showing me that the world isn't all peaches and creams and that people are not going to always love me for what i am but you know what? Changing for the sake of people like you two is definitely not worth it :) Thanks for teaching me that anybody who needs me to change myself in order for them to like me is TOATLLy not worth anything :)

Kartika-For always being like, the only sincere person i know in your gang

Nikhil-For teaching me that people can change. Thank you for teaching me that after a person has changed, its stupid to go by on an impression of what they used to be. Even worse, believing in what they used to be, rather than the person they actually became.

Chethan- For always being there for me. For seeing me in my wackiest, most hyper, laziest, most awesomest moments in my life. For knowing all my faults but putting up with them and for believing in me at all times no matter what happens.

Neha Sadhwani- For being a crazy, wacky, awesome fun filled, funny, irritating lil gal. I love yew just the way you are so don't change, EVER!

Krithicka- For teaching me to be brave and stand up for myself. To expect better out of myself and to always aim for the stars cause well the sky was never enough for her ;)

Ranjitha- I may hate you now, but i did love you a lot. Thanks for being there for me no matter what. For always dishing and bitching about boys, shopping,food,clothes and stupid celebrities. For all those crazy photos. And most of all, for being a standing example of what i should never be no matter where i go or who i become. thanks for all those crazy late night text messages where we thought our lives would end without our cellphones. For all those shopping trips, slowly sipped lattes, sharing our hopes and dreams, and always loving each other unconditionally.

Naren- People might be surprised to see your name here, but the truth is, you did teach me something. You taught me not to be so open. You taught me not to carry my heart on my sleeve and that its possible for somebody to break your heart completely but thanks for also teaching me that no matter how long it takes or how hard it might be, moving on is inevitable

KSheeraja- For being the sweetest, wackiest person a girl could know :)

Sanhita- Thank you. Just plain thank you for having the guts to come up to me and apologize. I love you for it.

Shambavi- For being unbelievably sweet when i thought you'd changed. thanks a lot. missing ur mokkai a lot here sweetie!

Ajay- For being the guy i always grinned at. For keeping me captivated with your amazing poetry and stories. For being wacky, mad crazy and insane and don't you dare change cause tats the way i like u!

Arjun-for being the wackiest bestest bestesestest best friend a girl could ever even ask for! thank you so much for always being there da. keep rocking on =D

Lava didi-for being the awesomest big sister a girl could ever wish for! love you loads!

Faraz(bhaiya)- thank you for everything. For being there whenever i needed you the most. for beliving in me and my crazy wackiness no matter what and for always loving me , flaws and all :) thanks

Pranesh-For taking the effort to cheer me up with ur wacky emails. For always being such a patient listener. For always coming up with the weirdest philosophies at the most unexpected times (but making sense anyway) and for having a (literally) treasure trove of stories that make me go "wow so i'm not the only one!". I'm so glad harish introduced us pran. I don't think i'd survive in the holidays or otherwise without our weird late night chats!!

Sandy Mclain- A friend. A tutor. A sister. (nearly) A parent. And everything i ever needed and wanted. Thank you so much for always loving me and being there for me and believing in me.

PART2 coming up after the exams guys............................

Rockstar (PART 2),,,

This is not in any way related to my last post, this is all about me!

The other day, in my guitar class, not many people had showed up, it was just me, my guitar sir and this other guy i wasn't too familiar with. Sir had casually remarked that my timing was improving. I was ecstasic. (Like Charles Dickens once said "I can live off a good compliment for at least three months"). Then the other guy had to leave.

So there was nobody, just me and sir. I was getting bored. Suddenly i asked sir, "There's nobody around right, can i try my hand at the electric?" (My guitar class is held in his apartment, there are at least 12 guitars lined up,2 electric guitars and a five string bass) he was like "Yeah sure"

I picked up the guitar and he plugged it in to the amplifier. Then i started playing the intro for the starting of "Zombie" By the cranberries that my friend had taught me. An ecstasic feeling took over my fingers and i closed my eyes as i strummed hard. It felt so heavenly. Literally music to my ears.

Then sir took my guitar and was playing some riffs, it felt so amazing to hear them. Then i took the guitar and stood up, (I'd prevously been resting the guitar on my leg as i do my yamaha acoustic) and i felt another power take over me, with the strap over my shoulder, pick in my hand, and the volume knob entirely under my control, i felt euphoric. I was on an all time high as i was playing the Smoke on the water riff (By deep purple). I've only felt this high before when i was immersed in music or cutting myself. Or a combination of both. And like i said, i was euphoric.

Now i'm addicted.... Completely addicted to the electric guitar's touch... like a druggie is to heroin.... now i NEED more.... i need to feel my fingers getting cut under the pressure...i need to feel the guitar crying for mercy under me but still enjoying my touch....

Dad's promised me an electric guitar if i did well in my half yearly, completle with amp, distortion paddle, EVERYTHING.... If i get the first rank.... so i'm going to be like eat,sleep,study, just so that i can get high every single night

PEACE OUT BITZHEZ!!! \m/+

Rockstar.....!!!

Its a very "cliched" term nowadays. You have random country bumpkins on various reality shows stepping up and saying "i wanna be a rockstar" and you have graffiti on various benches in my school saying "Rockstars of KRMM" , i'm like "HELLO PEOPLE DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT ROCK MUSIC IS?"

Just because somebody sings well, just because somebody dresses well, or just because somebody's pretty, it doesnt make her/him a rockstar.
Just like a true sportsman, a true rockstar lies in her/his attitude. You can have a girl who's a total country bumpkin, has no knowledge on english music whatsoever, and thinks that himmesh reshammiya is a brilliant singer (and is constantly humming "mann ka radio"), she can still be a rockstar cause at the end of the day, it narrows down to her attitude. Its how she takes failures in her strides. Its about how she doesn't let things get her down. Its about how she loves and believes in herself no matter what. Its about how she knows shes not keeping up with the latest trends but it still doesn't bother her. Cause she's just happy being herself and rocks out having a good time, doing whatever she loves doing.

On the other hand, you can take this guy who's brilliant at playing the electric guitar, painstakingly keeps up with the latest trends, shamelessly flaunts his Levis socks and red converse sneakers, and considers girls "below" him as he's supposedly a "guitar god". Hello hello, thats not being a rockstar, thats just being a plain prick...!!

New day, new start

Weeeellll this isn't exactly got much to do with the fact that i woke up at around 10 30 today out of sheer irritation at the idiotic dreams i was havingg. This isn't a heartwarming tale about how i lost everything and i want to start over, this isn't even some kind of inspirational essay thats supposed to make all those ppl out there who are down perk up and smile at life. 

No. None of that stuff.

Its just about me. I mean this isn't the first time i've put myself out in front of a near invisible audience. I just feel so vulnerable. Scared. Like for once, i dont have the strength to face all this all by myself and i need somebody to hold me close and keep me on the edge and give me the strength.

I've always come off to all my friends and family as strong. I don't let little things get me down. But this is the first time ever that i feel all the little things are magnifying themselves huge and i simply cant do this anymore. 

Its a totally new start to everything. For a girl who's only shifted schools twice in my entire life (shipyard school in cochin and one in chennai) and who's studied in the same school for eleven years, its just so scary for me to think that i have to start over. Make new friends. Fend off old rumours. Face bits of the past that i've been turning away from. Face all those people who utterly hate me and think they can bring me down (although i doubt they can, i'm made of tougher stuff than that).

Its just scary for me.... No matter how mature i act, this is still me. This is still a scared teenager talking. I'll probably be braver when it comes to facing the actual situation. But here's me, publicly displaying the one emotion that many people are scared to. I'm scared.

Letting go (part 1)

Letting go isn't easy. Especially when its somebody you love with all your heart. As expected, its a boy. And the irony is how both of us love each other so much but we can't be together for various reasons. 

We'll be leaving each other with a heavy heart. It just seems so unfair but hey its not in my hands. What am i supposed to do. 

I smile when deeper in my eyes, you can see tears wanting to flow freely. I'll literally be starting a new life in a few weeks. Its going to be unbelievably rough because i'm not the kind of person who caves easily to peer pressure and that kind of stuff and i have enough brains to say no. But its still going to be really hard cause of the way i am. I dont believe in pretending. But its going to be even harder knowing that you're not going to be here to give me strength. 

I'm going to miss those late night phone conversations, all the times i burst out into tears with you on the other line, all the times you made me laugh so hard i litearlly began crying, all the times you looked into my eyes and say "i see much more beneath that innocence", and i wll NVR forget that happy birthday song, i'll always miss you bugging me by calling me a tube light which you know i hate but i cant ever get mad at you for that.

Whoever said that letting go was easy should be dipped in blood and thrown into a pool of great white sharks... moron....

P.S.. I am so over you ;)

MUAHAHAHA!!!

After about 3 months of deserting my blog, leaving it abandoned and homeless *violins playing in the background* i am back... to make a comeback and grace all my fans with my presence!

Yes my life's been a rollercoaster ride but you know what? I'll deal with it my way. I'm sure i can make my life go the way i want it cause like one of my wiseR friends once told me "Its your life, take control of it, grab the steering wheel and go where you wanna go" (something along the lines of that but the focus here is supposed to be on the idea).

So i was going through a pretty rough academic patch with a lot of potholes and speedbreakers and i have to change schools now but you know what? That all seems perfectly okay, even though the school's supposed to be infamous for a lot of things i wouldn't really like to mention and even though the school happens to have my ex (who i btw loved a LOT) as my senior, i really couldn't care less, cause for the first time, i'm going to school to study and not to have fun.

I recently started a guitar class, left my fingers sore and the skin on my index finger grazed but it was fun nevertheless :)

I should be getting my guitar today (Yeah thats right i went to a guitar class without a guitar :P)hopefully, it should be the start of something new but i dont know

I mean its just one of those times when things are going right but they dont feel right. I had this feeling about this guy who turned out to be a total creep. Lets hope things turn out okay...

Thats all for now... i'll post the pics of my guitar as soon as i get one ;D I'm gonna go grab some lunch

Cya guys l8r! Bye!! :) xoxoxoxoxo

Cobwebs....

*SIgh*...

Yes...i've left my blog uncared for for nearly two months now... strangely i'm still alive ppl  

thank u thank u *takes a bow*

Anyways..... i'm sure y'all are used me starting my usual train of thoughts or me ranting to express myself or me just generally blabbering some bakwaas...but here's a surprise my beloved fans!

I'M BLANK!!!

Yes... continue staring at the screen in shock...i think my creativity's finally dying... i've been observing a steady decline in this place... Ppl read it less, comment less etc etc etc... i'm extremely tempted to shut it down for good but u know wat? I dont know if i should because i have a lot of work on here that i dont have backed up anywhere else. So instead of thoughts,here's  my usual "blankness conquering" (see? Even my english is getting degraded) strategy... 

UPDATES-

1)I dont understand a lot thats going on. Thankfully thats strictly non academic.

2)I'm gettin so caught up in my own life tat i'm forgetting the ppl who keep me going... (yeah guys its hurting me as i type...) Sry

3)I'm changing so badly and its reallly scaring me

4)The only thing i had...the only things i really valued...gone

5)My iPod,my cell phone, my words, my promises....

6)As my frnds know... *sigh* yes there's this guy i like 

7)N the situation's gettin highly complicated.

8)My iPod is back to life! (for future reference,i accidentally killed it) yaaaayyy!!!

9)This isn't really holding my attention..i'm even running out of things to type..bye guys...thanks for reading

Why..........

Why do things have to turn out the way they do....Everything happens for a reason...but why can't somebody tell me exactly why...

Why can't somebody explain the way i feel towards some ppl....why....wat did i ever do to them...why do they treat me like dis....

Why are they ignoring me....what did i do....

Why....why....why......................................

Smells like teen spirit

Yes, i know thats the name of a Nirvana song but it nevertheless inspired me and it just fits the article anyway

Every teen is different. No doubt about that. There are of course, stereotypes,and choices and the decisions we make that unwittingly help us segregate ourselves even though,a lot of us,at a subconcious level,dont want to

When we're a kid,we see something that fascinates us. There can be varied influences but there is always this one thing that holds our interest more than the others.

Then we pursue that one interest say singing or dancing or roller skating or something like that. We see the professionals and we go "Thats gonna be me someday" or "i'm gonna be famous for this". This happens around ages 12-16 and then,a tragedy occurs-we grow up

We look back on the old memories we had of doing that thing we loved-like winning a contest or making a new friend and sigh and say "Wow,those were the best days ever" or "Wow! Can't believe i was that crazy back then" But we have to ask ourselves. 'Why crazy?' or 'Is dreaming crazy?'

We look at peopele in our day to day lives,mostly the ppl elder to us and we think to ourselves 'why didn't he/she follw his/her dreams?' amd we rea;ose after a wjo;e.that they had a choice. They could've either followed their dreams,struggle and face potential failure or wild success or they could just kill their dreams,get a 9-5 job,get good money,be happy and just stay snuggled in your comfort zone,all the while,scared to spread those beautiful wings and fly

Now,i cannot force you to follow your dreams,as i myself let my dream slip out of my fingers and i only realised it yesterday. The dream i gave up wasn't a small one-I dreamt of playing for the IFL

Yeah i know... surprising... I was a footballer myself... A crazy one i might add. Circumstances forced me to let that dream slip through my fingers and mostly, I let it slip through my fingers. I don't think i can follow that dream again... However i have another one,and this time,i'm positive that i wont let it slip away so easily.

But its the choices we make that set us apart from everyone else. If we choose to spread our wings and fly,there may be a million potential risks in what we want to follow but THAT is what sets us apart from everyone else-either your dream, or the fact that you're bold enough to follow it

But there is a spirit in me...A fire which i'm pretty sure all teens have and we just let that fire just go out as we get older. Why?

No guys. Please,lets not allow this to happen. Let that fire burn and keep it aflame. And if you're not going to follow your dreams but do something else instead,Fine... But try to direct the warmth of the flame to whatever you're doing or going to do. Then, you'll definitely start loving whatever it is you're doing or going to do.

That flame of hope.. That fire within us.. is the essence of all teens. 

"What keeps the flame alive?" You ask...

Its something within us...That smells a lot like teen spirit...