New day, new start

Weeeellll this isn't exactly got much to do with the fact that i woke up at around 10 30 today out of sheer irritation at the idiotic dreams i was havingg. This isn't a heartwarming tale about how i lost everything and i want to start over, this isn't even some kind of inspirational essay thats supposed to make all those ppl out there who are down perk up and smile at life. 

No. None of that stuff.

Its just about me. I mean this isn't the first time i've put myself out in front of a near invisible audience. I just feel so vulnerable. Scared. Like for once, i dont have the strength to face all this all by myself and i need somebody to hold me close and keep me on the edge and give me the strength.

I've always come off to all my friends and family as strong. I don't let little things get me down. But this is the first time ever that i feel all the little things are magnifying themselves huge and i simply cant do this anymore. 

Its a totally new start to everything. For a girl who's only shifted schools twice in my entire life (shipyard school in cochin and one in chennai) and who's studied in the same school for eleven years, its just so scary for me to think that i have to start over. Make new friends. Fend off old rumours. Face bits of the past that i've been turning away from. Face all those people who utterly hate me and think they can bring me down (although i doubt they can, i'm made of tougher stuff than that).

Its just scary for me.... No matter how mature i act, this is still me. This is still a scared teenager talking. I'll probably be braver when it comes to facing the actual situation. But here's me, publicly displaying the one emotion that many people are scared to. I'm scared.

Letting go (part 1)

Letting go isn't easy. Especially when its somebody you love with all your heart. As expected, its a boy. And the irony is how both of us love each other so much but we can't be together for various reasons. 

We'll be leaving each other with a heavy heart. It just seems so unfair but hey its not in my hands. What am i supposed to do. 

I smile when deeper in my eyes, you can see tears wanting to flow freely. I'll literally be starting a new life in a few weeks. Its going to be unbelievably rough because i'm not the kind of person who caves easily to peer pressure and that kind of stuff and i have enough brains to say no. But its still going to be really hard cause of the way i am. I dont believe in pretending. But its going to be even harder knowing that you're not going to be here to give me strength. 

I'm going to miss those late night phone conversations, all the times i burst out into tears with you on the other line, all the times you made me laugh so hard i litearlly began crying, all the times you looked into my eyes and say "i see much more beneath that innocence", and i wll NVR forget that happy birthday song, i'll always miss you bugging me by calling me a tube light which you know i hate but i cant ever get mad at you for that.

Whoever said that letting go was easy should be dipped in blood and thrown into a pool of great white sharks... moron....