Prayer of every teenage girl

Dear god,
If you're up there, and if you're listening to me, down here, Here it goes.

I know i haven't prayed in a long time. I began questioning everything around me. IT somehow became cool to say that i didn't believe in you. But i do. I still do. I always have and i always will. I pray forgiveness for acting so ignorant.

God, give me patience... To deal with everything that comes my way. Give me the patience to wipe my friends tears when she gets hurt by a guy. Please remind me not to tell her "I told you so". I know she doesn't need that at that minute and that she needs my shoulder to lean upon and my fingers to wipe her tears. We'll laugh again god. She'll laugh again. Please help her realise that.

Help me remember how lucky i am god. I talk a lot. I rant a lot. I complain a lot. Help me remember that every teenager is not lucky enough to own a 30GB iPod, or a cute lil Nokia phone, or Levis jeans or Marie Claire shoes or a Fastrack watch or a Yamaha acoustic guitar or products from L'O'Real, maybelline, lakme, streetwear, etc. Or heck even a roof over their heads or even a family for that matter. Help me remember how lucky i am. Help me remember to be thankful for all that i have

Give me the ability to understand. Give me the ability to understand that my problems aren't the only problems in the world. There are things that people face greater than not getting a good grade in a test, getting into a fight with a friend, missing breakfast cause i was late, getting rumours spread about them, people face things greater. Help me remember that these are only small problems. Small enough for me to be able to deal with them.

God, please help me know. Know when I should hug somebody or when i should leave them alone and give them their space. Please help me know if i should cry with my friend or if i should tell her to stop crying. Help me know that my best friend who's a guy doesn't share all his feelings with me cause he doesn't wanna look like a wimp in front of me, but please, grant him the ability to know that i won't ever think of him as a wimp no matter what.

Please god, grant me more patience to know....that sometimes the problems of adults are over my head and they are best left alone unless they ask for me to interfere with them.

Give me strength to be able to overcome my own failures, to wipe my own tears, to be able to overcome my own weaknesses and make them my strengths. Most of all, give me the strength to be empathatic and give me strength to be patient...

Grant me the ability to love a person without judging him/her. Grant me the ability to be strong enough to find a solution every time i'm in trouble instead of turning to you only in my times of need. Let me remember and thank you also for every good time i have and every good memory that etches itself onto my mind.

Give me the courage to be myself, the patience to help others be themeselves and the courage to stand up for what i think is right....

Dear god.... I hope you heard all that

Thank YOU!! (Part 2)

Anagha-For proving me wrong and teaching me never to judge anybody too fast cause they can and might go that extra mile just to prove you wrong

Priyanka Murali-For all those wacky,amazing times back wen u were in chennai :)

Pooja-For teaching me how to use ares :P

Karan-For always admiring my work. For being frank and IN YOUR FACE. For understanding that i'm different from arthi and for always being there when i needed a solution. For always making sure i go on the right path

Keerthana- For being an absolute sweetheart to me in this new and scary school. Thank you!

Abhishek- For being the sweetest,nicest,cutest,funniest best friend a girl could ask for. Love you loads and don't you forget it dumbo!!

Naveen-For being one of the nicest elder brotherly characters i have around me. For always making fun of me and caring for me :) btw its LAWYER and not LIAR lol

Harsha- For laying foundation to my dreams in music. For always being there for me when i cried. Tropical icebergs and Arctic snows=We miss you HARSHH!

Maddy-For always being there. For understanding. For teaching me all that i could learn, the hard way

Duraiya-For being the moodiest,craziest,wackiest,silliest girl i know. You rock!!

Radha-For being the calm brainiac i always loved being around

Mukund- For making me laugh with your mad stories. For fascinating me with your amazing coin collection. For always being "SAM"!!!

Pramod- For being my very first crush back in 8th standard!!! And for being amazingly nice and sweet to me :)

Revathi-For being the sweetest,most sincere,unassuming person i've ever met! For all those times when we sat on your terrace on the cold slab benches sipping coffee and talking about the craziness in our teen lives.

Krithika Sundar- For being a totally awesome kickass girl. You may not be aware of it, but i like you a lot and i honestly wish i'd spent more time with you!

Neelu-For being my first best friend in a new school, in a new city where i was scared to death. thank you :)

Chitra mam-My first teacher. For being so patient and kind. I still adore you!

Vinod Ramachandran- For being crazy,wacky,funny,and an amazing friend :)

Swetha- For being such a good friend. Third bench with u was AWESOME. Forget me not :)

And if you're somebody i love, but i haven't put ur name down, a million apologies.

But to all those people who were in my life but had no mention here, u weren't on my mind for some reason and u probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.

Rock out bitchez

Thank you...(part1)

Its precisely 12.25 a.m..... I'm not yet asleep....I hate staying up late these days because i'm usually too tired... but today, i feel extra philosophical. I decided to stay up late anyway. Feels good after a long time. I live in the security that i can sleep in cause tomorrow's a holiday!! Yippeeee!!

Anyway.... Looking back on the person i was, the person i wanted to be and the person i've become....I've come a long way. I'm proud of myself, but i know for a fact that i could not have done it without my loved ones. So here's a thank you to everyone in my life-

MOM-For making me forget that you're my mom. By being there for me when i needed you the most. For understanding me through my pain and for holding me close when i needed security. Thank you for everything mom

Dad-For teaching me all that you have. Life would be so dull without you around. In fact, it IS when you go out of town!

Arthi-Well there's too much you've taught me. You've taught me to stand up for myself. To be strong. To have the courage to say no even if the society's pressurizing you to do something. Thank you.

Archana-For being the safety net every time i took a wacky unpredictable dive. People see me as a very mellow person. You're the only one who's seen my full craziness unplugged. Thanks for being there for me when i needed you. Thanks a hell more for being my music, lyrics, and singing guru. For all the late nights and broken dreams you helped me pick the pieces of, and not to mention all those times, i fell apart and you were the glue that held me back together. Late nights, stupid arguments, and a joint rebel against all things disney. I love you sis. Really i do <3>

Ashwini- For being there for me and for understanding what i'm going through. For always believing in me. At a point where nobody else did, it meant a lot to me. I hope you know that.

Harish-For teaching me that its possible to love somebody's arrogance. For teaching me how to go deep below the surface and search for what is the genuine person who happens to be one of the most sweetest guys i know

Neha Ramakrishnan-Thank you for teaching me to delve deeper than external appearances. For teaching me that there's no such thing as perfect and that if somebody looks perfect, something is seriously wrong, below the surface

Sithara Rasheed and Archita Sridharan-I don't care anymore. I've always hated you guys. Thank you for showing me that the world isn't all peaches and creams and that people are not going to always love me for what i am but you know what? Changing for the sake of people like you two is definitely not worth it :) Thanks for teaching me that anybody who needs me to change myself in order for them to like me is TOATLLy not worth anything :)

Kartika-For always being like, the only sincere person i know in your gang

Nikhil-For teaching me that people can change. Thank you for teaching me that after a person has changed, its stupid to go by on an impression of what they used to be. Even worse, believing in what they used to be, rather than the person they actually became.

Chethan- For always being there for me. For seeing me in my wackiest, most hyper, laziest, most awesomest moments in my life. For knowing all my faults but putting up with them and for believing in me at all times no matter what happens.

Neha Sadhwani- For being a crazy, wacky, awesome fun filled, funny, irritating lil gal. I love yew just the way you are so don't change, EVER!

Krithicka- For teaching me to be brave and stand up for myself. To expect better out of myself and to always aim for the stars cause well the sky was never enough for her ;)

Ranjitha- I may hate you now, but i did love you a lot. Thanks for being there for me no matter what. For always dishing and bitching about boys, shopping,food,clothes and stupid celebrities. For all those crazy photos. And most of all, for being a standing example of what i should never be no matter where i go or who i become. thanks for all those crazy late night text messages where we thought our lives would end without our cellphones. For all those shopping trips, slowly sipped lattes, sharing our hopes and dreams, and always loving each other unconditionally.

Naren- People might be surprised to see your name here, but the truth is, you did teach me something. You taught me not to be so open. You taught me not to carry my heart on my sleeve and that its possible for somebody to break your heart completely but thanks for also teaching me that no matter how long it takes or how hard it might be, moving on is inevitable

KSheeraja- For being the sweetest, wackiest person a girl could know :)

Sanhita- Thank you. Just plain thank you for having the guts to come up to me and apologize. I love you for it.

Shambavi- For being unbelievably sweet when i thought you'd changed. thanks a lot. missing ur mokkai a lot here sweetie!

Ajay- For being the guy i always grinned at. For keeping me captivated with your amazing poetry and stories. For being wacky, mad crazy and insane and don't you dare change cause tats the way i like u!

Arjun-for being the wackiest bestest bestesestest best friend a girl could ever even ask for! thank you so much for always being there da. keep rocking on =D

Lava didi-for being the awesomest big sister a girl could ever wish for! love you loads!

Faraz(bhaiya)- thank you for everything. For being there whenever i needed you the most. for beliving in me and my crazy wackiness no matter what and for always loving me , flaws and all :) thanks

Pranesh-For taking the effort to cheer me up with ur wacky emails. For always being such a patient listener. For always coming up with the weirdest philosophies at the most unexpected times (but making sense anyway) and for having a (literally) treasure trove of stories that make me go "wow so i'm not the only one!". I'm so glad harish introduced us pran. I don't think i'd survive in the holidays or otherwise without our weird late night chats!!

Sandy Mclain- A friend. A tutor. A sister. (nearly) A parent. And everything i ever needed and wanted. Thank you so much for always loving me and being there for me and believing in me.

PART2 coming up after the exams guys............................

Rockstar (PART 2),,,

This is not in any way related to my last post, this is all about me!

The other day, in my guitar class, not many people had showed up, it was just me, my guitar sir and this other guy i wasn't too familiar with. Sir had casually remarked that my timing was improving. I was ecstasic. (Like Charles Dickens once said "I can live off a good compliment for at least three months"). Then the other guy had to leave.

So there was nobody, just me and sir. I was getting bored. Suddenly i asked sir, "There's nobody around right, can i try my hand at the electric?" (My guitar class is held in his apartment, there are at least 12 guitars lined up,2 electric guitars and a five string bass) he was like "Yeah sure"

I picked up the guitar and he plugged it in to the amplifier. Then i started playing the intro for the starting of "Zombie" By the cranberries that my friend had taught me. An ecstasic feeling took over my fingers and i closed my eyes as i strummed hard. It felt so heavenly. Literally music to my ears.

Then sir took my guitar and was playing some riffs, it felt so amazing to hear them. Then i took the guitar and stood up, (I'd prevously been resting the guitar on my leg as i do my yamaha acoustic) and i felt another power take over me, with the strap over my shoulder, pick in my hand, and the volume knob entirely under my control, i felt euphoric. I was on an all time high as i was playing the Smoke on the water riff (By deep purple). I've only felt this high before when i was immersed in music or cutting myself. Or a combination of both. And like i said, i was euphoric.

Now i'm addicted.... Completely addicted to the electric guitar's touch... like a druggie is to heroin.... now i NEED more.... i need to feel my fingers getting cut under the pressure...i need to feel the guitar crying for mercy under me but still enjoying my touch....

Dad's promised me an electric guitar if i did well in my half yearly, completle with amp, distortion paddle, EVERYTHING.... If i get the first rank.... so i'm going to be like eat,sleep,study, just so that i can get high every single night

PEACE OUT BITZHEZ!!! \m/+

Rockstar.....!!!

Its a very "cliched" term nowadays. You have random country bumpkins on various reality shows stepping up and saying "i wanna be a rockstar" and you have graffiti on various benches in my school saying "Rockstars of KRMM" , i'm like "HELLO PEOPLE DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT ROCK MUSIC IS?"

Just because somebody sings well, just because somebody dresses well, or just because somebody's pretty, it doesnt make her/him a rockstar.
Just like a true sportsman, a true rockstar lies in her/his attitude. You can have a girl who's a total country bumpkin, has no knowledge on english music whatsoever, and thinks that himmesh reshammiya is a brilliant singer (and is constantly humming "mann ka radio"), she can still be a rockstar cause at the end of the day, it narrows down to her attitude. Its how she takes failures in her strides. Its about how she doesn't let things get her down. Its about how she loves and believes in herself no matter what. Its about how she knows shes not keeping up with the latest trends but it still doesn't bother her. Cause she's just happy being herself and rocks out having a good time, doing whatever she loves doing.

On the other hand, you can take this guy who's brilliant at playing the electric guitar, painstakingly keeps up with the latest trends, shamelessly flaunts his Levis socks and red converse sneakers, and considers girls "below" him as he's supposedly a "guitar god". Hello hello, thats not being a rockstar, thats just being a plain prick...!!

New day, new start

Weeeellll this isn't exactly got much to do with the fact that i woke up at around 10 30 today out of sheer irritation at the idiotic dreams i was havingg. This isn't a heartwarming tale about how i lost everything and i want to start over, this isn't even some kind of inspirational essay thats supposed to make all those ppl out there who are down perk up and smile at life. 

No. None of that stuff.

Its just about me. I mean this isn't the first time i've put myself out in front of a near invisible audience. I just feel so vulnerable. Scared. Like for once, i dont have the strength to face all this all by myself and i need somebody to hold me close and keep me on the edge and give me the strength.

I've always come off to all my friends and family as strong. I don't let little things get me down. But this is the first time ever that i feel all the little things are magnifying themselves huge and i simply cant do this anymore. 

Its a totally new start to everything. For a girl who's only shifted schools twice in my entire life (shipyard school in cochin and one in chennai) and who's studied in the same school for eleven years, its just so scary for me to think that i have to start over. Make new friends. Fend off old rumours. Face bits of the past that i've been turning away from. Face all those people who utterly hate me and think they can bring me down (although i doubt they can, i'm made of tougher stuff than that).

Its just scary for me.... No matter how mature i act, this is still me. This is still a scared teenager talking. I'll probably be braver when it comes to facing the actual situation. But here's me, publicly displaying the one emotion that many people are scared to. I'm scared.

Letting go (part 1)

Letting go isn't easy. Especially when its somebody you love with all your heart. As expected, its a boy. And the irony is how both of us love each other so much but we can't be together for various reasons. 

We'll be leaving each other with a heavy heart. It just seems so unfair but hey its not in my hands. What am i supposed to do. 

I smile when deeper in my eyes, you can see tears wanting to flow freely. I'll literally be starting a new life in a few weeks. Its going to be unbelievably rough because i'm not the kind of person who caves easily to peer pressure and that kind of stuff and i have enough brains to say no. But its still going to be really hard cause of the way i am. I dont believe in pretending. But its going to be even harder knowing that you're not going to be here to give me strength. 

I'm going to miss those late night phone conversations, all the times i burst out into tears with you on the other line, all the times you made me laugh so hard i litearlly began crying, all the times you looked into my eyes and say "i see much more beneath that innocence", and i wll NVR forget that happy birthday song, i'll always miss you bugging me by calling me a tube light which you know i hate but i cant ever get mad at you for that.

Whoever said that letting go was easy should be dipped in blood and thrown into a pool of great white sharks... moron....